Some youthful observations…

The British enjoy commenting, discussing and lamenting (especially lamenting, whichever extreme) the weather as a consolatory manoeuvre: climate and wind change is unavoidable and spans unconquerably across the globe. It is the discerning factor in the most basic of decisions, from what we wear to what we eat. In other words, it is ubiquitous and unavoidable – exactly like we used to be in colonial times, and certainly aren’t now as the super-pouter of the world. The obsession with the weather is a last desperate grapple  for a synonymity with widespread presence and influence. The weather is almost as present as…

…Mothers who coo over their ‘rambunctious’ spawn before settling that bearing boisterous offspring is akin to full-time employment (with limitless overtime). I wonder where this comparison comes from? Are boasting, gloating mothers in actuality inferring that their children are regrettable factors in their everyday lives and future plans? There are many stark similarities: The 9-5 rigmarole curbs exposure to sunlight hours, art gallery visits in uncrowded periods and reckless spontaneity, but, it also dwindles possibilities of loneliness and swells excuses to close Facebook browsers (thus being genuinely excited about a new notification) and makes time distracted feel like a quest for exuberance. It’s also common middle-aged distress that after 20 years your career has contributed little significance to all pillars of mental and physical stress. Ambitious thinkers don’t have children

…they order items of the internet. The choice is ludicrously more diverse than the pitiful variations conducive of the genetics of two people; google gets millions of hits world wide in less than a second, and most courier services exceed expectations with rapid delivery. There’s no ‘due date’ or trimesters to predict. The anticipation is thrilling and comes into fruition quickly, most unlike waiting nine months for a baby. However, the main incompatibility with capitalism is the exponential  growth of indecisiveness. Too much choice equates to growing amounts of stress of a career and child

…Although, stress does come in varying forms. It’s perfectly acceptable to ingratiate multiculturalism into your life yet still find language barriers irksome and agitating. Irritation is less likely to be occur purchasing shampoos and fine wines, or asking someone to move on the bus. Situations whereby one has to discuss emotions, metaphors, subtext, implied meaning of general raison d’être typify a perfect storm of latent aggression. The beauty of linguistics is that figurative phrases denote intestine-tightening emotions and, conversely, the literal ‘first-hand’ comments mean something more elusive and personal. Verb conjugation is left alone – No one knows the complete set of rules in their own language, let alone have time to learn them in another. They’re dynamic

….Finally, if a job description covets a ‘dynamic’ personality: PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Dynamic is a slipperly serpent of a word. It offers you the most succulent, glossy apple. An apple that squaks and trumpets when you polish the gleam exterior across your cashmire jumper. What ‘dynamic’ really gives you is a shovel, an apple core and some clay earth that hasn’t even been nourished by a Mediterranean volcano. When an employer seeks a ‘dynamic’ person they are deceiving prospective employees; Dynamic has earned itself a reputation for charisma, young buck-slinging employees who treat work like a rootin’ tootin’ country and western send-up. It’s fairly plausible that ‘dynamic’ (actual definition: ‘constant change, activity, or progress’) has symbiotically gained it’s superstar status. Dynamic duos and dynamic iPaid-a-lots portray ideals of marvel, flexibility and manoeuvrability. This is not the case in job adverts: dynamic is the requirement to fuflil any job role whether it be manually or practically magically and/or malevolently. It’s supersedes chamellionism and denounces specfication stability…

…you have been warned.   


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