The drudgery of unemployed life is a cycle of fatigue, envenomed hope and vaciliating feeling of eroded worth and eluded purpose. The foregone conclusion is that the life equation is unbalanced and chaotic without employment – algebra of trite symbols and perfunctory activity. Today I had an appalling job interview, there was no spilling coffee or periods of un-hallelujah like ‘Ahhhh’s… appalling because I was less then perfect in a climate where even perfection does not precursor success.
It’s some sagacious advice that in the imploding prospects and abyss of opportunity that life at the moment is worth everything beyond the border of routine and contracted office hours. The interim between the feat of employment and swaths of nightwear is a destiny of scrutinising pallors in interviews and clumsily slipping the barrier between enthusiastic and jovially desperate, applying for jobs you’re clearly not bespoke It’s hard to placate the overwhelming, tremulous fear that in no longer matters when you’re coerced into appreciating the slightest nudge of experience as an intern, the crutch to the curmudgeon.
Perhaps some are naturally predisposed to be inactive, self-discipline is a virtue akin to purposeful deprivation. It’s with insidious reluctance I crawl to magazine launches fervently trying to numerically organise 800 coats in an en suite bathroom, a make shift cloak room. It’s with incremental frustration I laboriously transcribe ‘uhms’ and ‘ahs’ to relieve the menial work of others. Yes, I am assigned a seat, a working day, a lunch break to sully a keyboard with crums – an established ‘real reason’ to get out of bed.
Perhaps it’s the contrasting unavailability of all peers and associates, the knowledge that by noon I’m itching to exceed yesterday’s elaborate lunch whilst most people have completed 3 hours of solid work. Wherever the feeling of worthlessness of unemployment stems from, staring at the abyss need not be an absence of purpose. Create worth, do not let it be attributed to the marching steps of the commute and repetitive trips to Eat halfway through the working day…